 |
 |
Steve Gilliard, 1964-2007
It is with tremendous sadness that we must convey the news that Steve Gilliard, editor and publisher of The News Blog, passed away June 2, 2007. He was 42.
To those who have come to trust The News Blog and its insightful, brash and unapologetic editorial tone, we have Steve to thank from the bottom of our hearts. Steve helped lead many discussions that mattered to all of us, and he tackled subjects and interest categories where others feared to tread.
Please keep Steve's friends and family in your thoughts and prayers.
Steve meant so much to us.
We will miss him terribly.
Roy liveblogs the Republican debate
In which Roy, well, yeah. That. (Also, if you haven't heard, Ron Paul supporters freeped the postgame polls. Sean Hannity, not so happy. Hate it when that happens.)
DEAD DRUNKBLOGGING POST-DEBATE. Round one
McCAIN: We're fighting them over there so we don't have to fight them blah blah blah. Iraqis are disappointing.
THOMPSON: I too believe Iraqis are disappointing.
ROMNEY: Iraqis should do what I say.
BROWNBACK: Iraqis and Democrats should do what I say.
GIULIANI: Democrats and Republicans should do what I say.
TANCREDO: I agree with Bush.
PAUL: I agree with Reagan.
HUNTER: The Iraqis agree with me.
HUCKABEE: Gotta get it right the first time, that's the main thing. Wo ho, wo ho, wo ho, wo ho ho ho-o-o ho.
GILMORE: America, whattaya think about Iran?
Round two
ROMNEY: I won't raise taxes.
McCAIN: Here's a joke! (laughter)
HUCKABEE: Here's a crazy idea, and a joke! (laughter)
GIULIANI: I cut taxes in New York, and they're all commie bastards.
BROWNBACK: Biofuel will defeat Hugo Chavez.
THOMPSON: I did 1,900 vetoes, and I'll cut into that useless agency, the Centers for Disease Control.
PAUL: I'll cut everything.
GILMORE: I'm a conservative. You other guys, not so much.
HUNTER: Fuck China, help American businesses, especially war profiteers.
TANCREDO: I'll cut everything too.
Round three
GILMORE: Giuliani loves abortion, Huckabee hearts taxes, Romney loves health care for God's sake.
GIULIANI: Well, at least I'm not a liberal.
McCAIN: I was in Vietnam.
HUCKABEE: I actually cut taxes. I'm doggone good and I have a moniker.
ROMNEY: I hate the state I used to be governor of.
BROWNBACK: Yay Reagan, boo Mexicans.
THOMPSON: Yay stem cells, boo destroying embryos.
GIULIANI: Abortion? Goddamn New Yorkers. What could I do?
HUCKABEE: Giuliani celebrates death, I look for lost boy scouts.
BROWNBACK: If you're raped, you should have a baby.
ROMNEY: I am recently and totally pro-life.
TANCREDO: I hate Mexicans. These guys love Mexicans.
McCAIN: Well, at least Mexicans aren't Muslims.
ROMNEY: Mexicans shouldn't get a special pathway. Or doorway. Citizenship! (applause)
McCAIN: Why's everyone looking at me? Abortion!
GIULIANI: I'm not soft. I'm hard! I'm America's Mayor! We need tamper proof IDs! And a fence!
HUNTER: I built a motherfucking fence.
PAUL: We really fucked up in Iraq. (applause)
GIULIANI: 9/11! 9/11! (cheers, gunfire)
PAUL: Fuck you.
McCAIN: I'm sorry about the Confederate flag, but not as sorry as you should be for asking me about it. (cheers, "Dixie")
HUCKABEE: That murderer? Everyone makes mistakes. If I'm elected, no one will go free.
TANCREDO: Global warming is bullshit. Ron Paul is a traitor! (cheers)
Round fucking four
McCAIN: I'm against torture. I was tortured myself. (No applause)
GIULIANI: I'm for torture. (applause) 9/11!
ROMNEY: More imprisonments without trial! Fuck habeus corpus! (applause)
THOMPSON: Colin Powell! Confused you, didn't I, bitches? Asking me about Africa! Sheeit.
BROWNBACK: Fuck the U.N.!
HUNTER: Whatever I did, I wouldn't think about it, thinking's for pussies.
McCAIN: I'm still against torture, despite your invitation to get with the program.
GILMORE: 9/11, Virginia stylee! Fuck the U.N., but with foreplay. I was a prosecutor!
HUCKABEE: Bush said "keep shopping," which was great, but let's all pretend we're making sacrifices, and voting for me would be a good first step.
PAUL: Forget taxes, let's talk torture. I mean, let's get Bin Laden. (deafening silence)
TANCREDO: Jack Bauer! (cheers)
Bullshit minority afterthought
GILMORE: I like black people.
ROMNEY: No Child Left Behind is good for black people.
I don't even know what this is supposed to be
HUNTER: Expanded trade with China may not be an unmixed blessing.
Conclusion: This country is fucked. Our only hope: THROW BATTERIES!