LowerManhattanite: "Year of the Ho"
2007: Year of the
Thanks to LowerManhattanite for this great piece!
According to those early 21st century poets--Three-Six Mafia--it's supposedly "Hard Out Here For A Pimp".
I beg to differ with these latter-day Bards. Nowadays you see, it's actually much, much harder out here for a Wingnut. But just like in the movie "Hustle & Flow", the root cause of the trouble...
Is those pesky "Hos", of course.
It kicked off with Don "But Jeezy/Cool J/Pick-a-Rapper, any rapper did It!" Imus, and his career self-immolation of calling a bunch of Black female college student/athletes he'd never met and knew nothing of--"nappy-headed hos". Rough as f*ck, but it went down just like that, and wingers rushed to the "I" (as in 'Ignorant as f*ck')-man's defense, spouting all manner of "Give me the right to call you n*gger with no consequences, or give me death--n*gger!"-speak. It hasn't gone well, with the likes of O'Reilly and Limbaugh freaking out and running scared ever since Imus' thankfully being being put down like the withered, brain-shriveled, old dog he was. Never mind their own peccadilloes (or pecca-dildoes in O'Reilly's case) of a misogynist nature--i.e Bill-O dialing 1-900-FALAFEL on those lonely nights, and Limbaugh's cheap-as-all-f*ck Caribbean Sex Tours. In the end it was a case of the worm turning. Man biting dog. So-called "Hos" delivering the pimp-slap to the gutter. "PYOOOOOOWWW!
Hos:1, Wingers: 0
Then Michelle "Take me seriously as I flounce about spastically in a 'marital aids store'-bought Catholic schoolgirl/cheerleader costume" Malkin, in one of her rare chances to shine (but in this case, dull) in a prime time host capacity, found herself debating a one-legged man in a jumping-jack contest. Namely, --Malik Shabazz, "leader" of the "New" Black Panther Party. "New", as in "New Coke", and its relation to the quality of the original. The debate issue? The dropping of all charges against the Duke Lacrosse players. Even a loopy, frothing git like Malkin should have been able to handle this guy...an intentionally chosen "D'-level player on the charlatan board. The deck was stacked. The magnet set under the roulette wheel. Every cheat mirror in place. And then...when Malkin pulled a Hannity-esque "Are you gonna apologize for what someone else said" routine, Shabazz spazzed, saying to Malkin:
"Will you apologize for being a political prostitute for Bill O'Reilly, a white male chauvinist racist, as a woman of color?"
Malkin of course handled it perfectly. As perfectly f*cked up as she could, that is. 'Cause she spazzed and emptied her bag of tics. Eye bugs, splutters, bleats, and enough fifth-grader squinchy faces to do Nellie Olesen proud. She let her knuckle-headed, tomato-can of an opponent get lucky and land a Mike Weaver 15th round bomb upside her head. His words, harsh and mean, yet...hanging in the air on a skeleton of truth. She? Finger wagging and nyah-nyah-ing herself into a deeper pit of not-ready-for-prime-time ignominy than previously plumbed by her idiocy. A f*cking embarrassment. Which is saying an awful lot, considering who we're talking about.
Aaaaaaand the tote board says...
Hos: 2, Wingers: 0
The sordid game of "Tic-Tac-Ho" reached its diagonal "swoosh" denouement with the Friday news dump revelation of the first casualty of the "D.C. Madam's" client list. Randall Tobias, Director of Foreign Aid Programs as the State Dept. and top Condi bootlicker ('all the way to the knee, daddy...all the way to the knee') resigned Friday after his private celly number turned up repeatedly in the call records of D.C. Madam Deborah Jeane Palfrey's "Escort Service".
As the we used to say on the playground, "Oooooooooooooooooooh!"
You see, this hypocrite--around number four hundred and ninety-one on the Bush hit parade of installed, duplicitous toadies, was a champion of abstinence as the U.S. Global AIDS Coordinator. Mr. Anti-Promiscuity to the third world if you please, promoting the Bush adminstration's silly, draconian, Hercule Poirot--"Touch nothing!" message of sexual health to the planet's dusky lessers. Until that is, his number came up on the bunny ranch's speed dial. He claims um...how do you say it...
"That he never got a dinner?" No. That ain't it.
"Old Faithful never erupted?" Hmmm...too National Geographic.
"He didn't stick around for the happy ending." Yeah, yeah...that's the one I was lookin' for.
Oh...and homey's married, too. But evidently has that mega, *ss kicking sciatica that 'll drive a fella to an escort service for pain alleviation...and then switch to another escort service using "Central Americans"--you know, to foster that whole NAFTA thing I guess. Or for the tension-busting, Guatemalan Gonad Grip. Take yer cherce.
Hey, did you know that D.C.'s reknowned Four Seasons Hotel on Pennsylvania Ave. offers world-class Aromatherapy, Hot Stone, and Deep Tissue massages?
Or that the Capital Hilton's Spa, the Cap City Club and Spa offers all of the above-- including Japanese Reiki! Goddamn Japanese REI-KI, YA'LL! My wife and I actually got a day package at this place as a wedding gift for a couple we know who moved there. Fabulous establishment, we were told by the happy couple.
And of course, there's always this professional's deft touch at getting those nasty old kinks out.
Bottom line is that there was a slew of perfectly legal places Tobias could have gone to get rubbed the right way, all within a mile of work. That by the way includes dear wifey with a tube of Icy Hot at the crib. But instead, brother man called the "Hos". And thus called down yet another *ss-stinking embarrassment around the Bush Admin's ears.
"Can I have the latest tally, Marion?"
It's Hos: 3, Wingers: 0
"B*tches done set them up!
What to say here? The dice rolled sevens and elevens every f*cking time it seemed for almost six years for this crew. And ever since? Snake eyes, snake eyes, SNAKE EYES, b*tches. Every day now for the GOP, it's like being the backup band for Patty Smythe... f*ckin' Scandal, dude! :) As Palfrey's turned over chunks of her D.C. freak-list to ABC for a special exclusive next week, the mind fairly reels with anticipation of who else is in the phone logs. Tobias was offered up late Friday amidst another Friday doc dump, a GOP Rep on the verge of booking up due to the Abramoff scandal, and another DOJ investigator F*cked to hell because of a conflict-of-interest bed-sh*t. What's been hilarious is how initially, the usually swarming wingnutosphere laid back--cat quiet Friday night as the news broke, and then as the sex angle swelled it to shuddering tumescence, the next day whined about the madam's partisanship, and then moaned "woe is we" about how this "ho"-riffic story's probably got legs and will hurt the GOP further.
Which begs the question; With all the gloom and doom they're oozing, has a little birdie hipped the leading meme spreaders over there to prepare for other big names to come on that list? It's an overwhelming moroseness settling over that bunch today...like a big, p*ss-drenched blanket. Instaf*ckwit of course tried feebly to Clintonize it, and then failing that, grumpily calls for the legalization of prostitution. Over one poor john's getting caught out there? Hmm. I didn't get a "Heh." outta that guy. Malkin blames the rapacious "MSM"--surprise!--and pulls phantom anti-GOP bias out of her stiff, pom-pom flailing *ss. PowerLine...issued an actual, f*cking "No comment."
All I know is Christmas has come eight months early this year with the crocuses blooming, and Santa's fat *ss is handing out gifts...all the while bellowing with a twinkle in his eye, yeah...you guessed the words...
"Ho, ho ho!
- posted by LowerManhattanite
Labels: Bush, condi, corruption